Now that the songbook with Master Maya and Ida Spider is in shops, it's surely only a matter of time before someone spots other classics in the Danish song catalogue that need rescuing from harmful gender stereotypes.
Gasolin for example.
And let's just be honest - there's plenty to go after there.
"Kvinde min".
Just feel that for a moment.
An OWNERSHIP STATEMENT in two words, a man making claim to a whole grown person with inverted word order, as if she were a bicycle he'd left in the basement.
It must naturally be reissued as "Adult citizen I am currently sharing housing with following continuously renegotiated, written consent, where everything from innermost to outermost is equally distributed, documented to the Municipality and at all times terminable by both parties without notice" - and sung as a duet, so both parties get equal speaking time, with a third verse left open for any future parties in the constellation.
"Hva' gør vi nu, lille du" is possibly worse.
Because it can't be read today without the age's absolute favourite diagnosis. The man in the song talks constantly about himself, about everything he's seen, and everything he's tried, and when the reckoning finally arrives, he turns around and makes his life crisis her task.
First he infantilises her with a diminutive, then he outsources the emotional labour without a collective agreement. Anyone with three quarters of TikTok psychology in their background can make the diagnosis from home - NARCISSIST. Grandiose self-image, zero accountability, and a pet name instead of an apology.
Today it wouldn't even be played on the radio - it would have become an episode in a podcast about red flags, and the entire comment section would have long since told her she should run.
But it gets completely out of hand in "De smukke unge mennesker" which discriminates against both the ugly and the old in one and the same title - a double exclusion that today would trigger its own parliamentary consultation and week-long crisis meetings in the Social Liberal Party.
Because the title is, as a cultural consultant would phrase it, a normative beauty hegemony that reproduces age-based privilege structures and renders non-norm-conforming bodies invisible in the aesthetic space. The song simultaneously establishes a binary hierarchy between the beautiful and the not-beautiful without a single second's reflection on its own position. It must therefore be rewritten as "The Subjectively Experienced People in Various Life Phases", provided with an introductory framing where a panel of diversity consultants contextualises the work, and performed at a tempo all bodies can follow.
Only then has a safe listening space been created. That the song has simultaneously stopped being about anything at all is a price one is willing to pay. One always is.
That leads us directly to the fat rock in Rabalderstræde which today is of course quite obviously fat-stigmatising.
The rock shall henceforth be referred to as.. "music in a naturally larger format".
And we haven't even tackled the worst yet. The name itself.
GASOLIN. A band that has named itself after liquid fossil fuel and toured around the country under that name for years, entirely without CO2 compensation, entirely without a transition plan, entirely without so much as a declaration of intent about climate neutrality by 2045.
Four men from Christianshavn who have branded themselves on the very substance that's burning the planet, and who have not once in the entire catalogue related critically to their own fossil signature. That name naturally doesn't survive a sustainability screening.
The band shall henceforth be called "Induction", alternatively "Heat Pump", and the back catalogue provided with a climate declaration per song, so the listener can make an informed choice.
"The quarter is still alive", but it's now designated as a charging zone.
And while it's all being corrected, Kim lies in his grave rotating at a speed that could supply all of Christianshavn with green power. In other words, they've found a way to make him climate-positive.
He would have hated it. And he would have said so, loud enough to be heard across the entire country.
Because that was precisely what he was. A man with a hat and a cigarette and a language that never asked permission.
For there was once a man you couldn't correct.
That was actually the whole point of him.
And why you rather liked him.
❤️🔥🪽
