They call themselves 'JESUS GIRLS' - and there are more and more of them. 😳😳😳
*gulp*
That is TV 2's headline from last night, so not something I made up.
And I'll honestly admit that I checked the front door was locked before reading on. You never know where they might turn up.
Here is what we know about the situation so far. The newsroom is following it closely.
Around a hundred young women have been observed in a room in Aarhus. Several of them brought knitting. There was communal singing, and extra chairs had to be fetched more than once, which suggests a level of organisation nobody saw coming.
The development is EXPLOSIVE, they write. Fifty at the first meeting, then sixty, then eighty, and now a HUNDRED. Do the projection yourself.
At that rate, all of East Jutland will be sitting there knitting plain stitches by around 2031!
There, I've said it - so nobody can claim they weren't warned about this new movement of young women with needlework, communal singing and a disturbingly relaxed relationship with their own culture, which experts are already calling home-knitted radicalisation.
An expert confirms that the young people are seeking MEANING.
How they came up with such a crazy idea can only be explained by dangerous figures on social media who have given the impression that life consists of more than education, career, mortgage payments and three streaming services, and that there might even be someone who wanted them here.
Most remarkable of all, this is apparently happening entirely without public funding, an action plan or prior consultation - they have simply started practising a thousand-year-old local tradition that was otherwise under controlled decommissioning.
The Authorities' Experts™ stress that there is no cause for panic, but ask parents to watch for the early signs - she skips getting blind drunk on Saturday, stops dragging hordes of strange guys home weekend after weekend, gets up on Sunday morning of her own free will, suddenly hums a song that sounds suspiciously Danish, seems happy for no detectable reason whatsoever, and has started using the word grateful without irony.
There are even rumours that some of them have begun to believe that a nuclear family is a perfectly good place to be a child, that you can promise another person something for the rest of your life and mean it, that men and women are different, and that the difference can even be a pleasure, that you owe your parents something and your children even more, that forgiveness is possible even when the other person hasn't earned it, that Sunday is for something other than catching up on what you missed - or nursing a hangover - and, most insane of all… that something can be true even when it is inconvenient.
Sources close to the scene report that several of these notions were perfectly common in this country until about five minutes ago, and that nobody can quite say when they were abolished.
They do warn, however, that it *can be* harsh to witness.
Particularly worrying is a case in which a young woman actually left a boyfriend she was in love with. He had offered to come to church with her if she came to football with him, and she told him that her faith was not a hobby.
If only she had said hobby, no article would ever have been written, because as a hobby you can believe anything you like in this country - for example -
That Mercury is in retrograde every time the train is late.
That a rose quartz in your pocket keeps your boss at bay.
That the universe has personally reserved a parking space for you outside the supermarket.
That a cacao ceremony north of Copenhagen opens your heart for 1,200 kroner plus VAT.
That grandma speaks from the other side through a lady in Herning with her own website.
That men with makeup, high heels and a panty liner to catch the moisture between their hairy buttocks are real women.
And that everything will be fine, if only you learn to breathe all the way down into your belly through a twelve-module online course.
Just to take a few examples.
And, oh yes. That there actually were drones over Copenhagen Airport…
But anyway. Not a hobby...
We have had Christianity in this country for a thousand years, and it has gone fine, precisely because nobody took it personally.
They sing as well, by the way. The Jesus girls. Praise songs, it's called, and TV 2 helpfully explains that these are songs to and about God, which is kind of them in a country that has had a cross on its flag for a good eight hundred years... and may therefore easily have forgotten what it was for.
But okay.
Now I've warned you too.
Citizens who encounter a young woman with knitting and a calm gaze are asked to keep their distance and under no circumstances ask how she is doing.
She might answer with a smile.
