Artists are withdrawing in droves these days from a world tour - in solidarity with a self-righteous rapper and well-off international do-gooder who, with his own situation completely secure, shouts from the stage that all the rest of us should boycott Israel.
And you know what.
I actually think it's beautiful when people stand by their convictions.
So let's help the movement do it properly.
Not halfway. But all the way.
First.
Put down the iPhone. The chip in it is designed in Haifa, and if you unlock it with your face, you're thanking an Israeli company before you've had your coffee. Face ID was born in Tel Aviv, before Apple bought it. Get rid of it.
The USB stick in your drawer - invented in Israel. Hand it over. Come on.
Waze, when you need to find your way to the next Palestine demonstration? - Israeli.
Google Maps? Google has development centres in Tel Aviv and Haifa. So yes. It's paper maps for you from here on. Hope you like folding. And arguing with whoever's riding shotgun next time you head out into the blue.
The firewall protecting your computer while you sit there typing "boycott Israel" - the concept was roughly speaking invented by Check Point. In Tel Aviv. So turn it off, and let's see how long the solidarity holds.
The emergency brake in your car that sees the danger before you do - Mobileye, Israeli. And it's not just in yours. It's in all your friends' too. BMW, Volkswagen, Audi, Ford - basically every new car on the road brakes with Israeli eyes.
So from here on it's the bike for you. Hope your work isn't too far away. And leave the electric motor at home just to be safe, eh - you never know where the chip in that comes from.
Anyway. While you're getting changed for the demonstration - Calvin Klein, Nike, Hugo Boss? The underwear is sewn by Israeli Delta Galil. The boycott goes all the way in. There too. So. Strip!
For those of you who, like Macklemore, make your living on stage - yes, unfortunately. You too. That microphone from Sennheiser? Israeli chip technology in the signal. The music itself - Waves plugins from Tel Aviv sit in virtually every professional mix for the last twenty years. There's guaranteed to be Israeli software on the very track you're shouting "boycott" over. So. Just remove it from the streaming services. Now. Thanks.
And Facetune. Yes, also the Facetune you use before the picture from the demonstration goes up, so you look at least somewhat sensible? - You got it, son. Jerusalem.
Then there are the cherry tomatoes in your organic salad - bred in Israel. The drip irrigation that's made deserts bloom across the entire globe - Israeli. SodaStream - Israeli. Pills from Teva, which sit in roughly every other Danish medicine cabinet - Israeli.
The camera the doctor sends down into your stomach instead of a tube - PillCam, Israeli.
And the messages. The very idea of chatting online - ICQ, grandfather-app of them all - four young guys in Tel Aviv.
And the solar panels on the roof that give you a clean conscience on behalf of the climate - the brain of the system, the inverter that makes the panels talk to your house, comes remarkably often from SolarEdge. Herzliya, Israel. You can check. And then take it down.
When you've done that, you can get started putting up the candles. Oh no - wait. Half the world's candles come from... no, we'll take that one another day.
The website where you sell your merch T-shirts - does it run on Wix? Israeli. Shut it down. Shopify? Their international sales run through Israeli Global-e. And the fraud protection that makes anyone dare to pay in your shop at all - Riskified, Forter, PayPal's security layer - Israeli, Israeli, Israeli.
So your Che Guevara and "Hamas dressed as an Indian" merchandise you'll have to sell from a table on the street. Cash only.
"But it's symbolic, I don't have to go without all that stuff," you might say?
Ok.
So you boycott everything you don't use - and keep everything you can't do without.
That's not a boycott.
That's a playlist, mate.
And meanwhile there are engineers sitting in Haifa and Herzliya building onwards on what the rest of the world logs into every morning - including those mornings when they've decided to shout at them from a stage.
You can boycott the name. If it feels nice and like you're one of *the good ones*...
You just end up doing it on their technology.
🤓🤷🏼♂️
....
And while we're at it - isn't it many of the same people who also want to boycott the USA at the moment?
The internet, Windows, Google, the payment card, Netflix, half your playlist...
Could be some quiet years at home.
But I'll gladly take a Tesla Model 3 for free - if you're no longer allowed to drive it by your wife's boyfriend... 😏
